It’s been a week or two since I’ve written on trauma/mental illness liberation topic.

It’s complicated, and simple as: “life on life’s terms.”  I noticed about one week ago, my aging (15) year old cat appeared and acted very sick.  This freaked me out, two out of three of my previous pets get very sick and die, immediately.  That track record had me in a anxious state of mind.  I got him to my veterinary Wednesday eve, and they ran his blood sample.  They called me Thursday morning telling me he has liver challenges. I’ve noticed the last two days, he seems to be constipated additionally.  Two super expensive medicines later, and Boba is napping on the back porch as I type this.  I am hoping feeding him olive oil through an eye dropper will help with the constipation.

Onto keeping my complications, simpler: I work a part time job in Human Services, specifically Behavioral Health with Adults with SMI who are involved in the Criminal Justice System.  I need to journal and blog about the positive impact working the field of healing arts has helped me with my reasoning as why I work in the field today. Not, now though…  I am struggling with an expanding case load; specifically keeping all the administrative paperwork organized.  I have no interest in working for this agency, full time.  They get peer support, and the recovery movement, but they do not either!  I have become aware, that I need to learn to detach from the people’s situations, in my case load.  I have struggled with doing this in my personal life due to disassociation tendencies stemming from my childhood sexual trauma.  This week, I have chosen to learn this tool of detachment, Al-Anon has taught this to it’s attendees for ever and ever…  As for the paperwork, I’ll continue to do my best, and not take this agencies “micro-management” from its managers, seriously and personal from now on.  Easier said then done, or is it?  I believe when I become aware of a situation, and have it broken down into easily comprehensibly data, it becomes easy to do.  To focus on my organizational skills for managing a work related caseload, I learned this week, I am still learning; and do not have a organizational system for managing a caseload that consists of more than a hand full of weekly 1:1 paperwork and a bi-weekly prison ran group.  This Forensic Peer Support position has tested my determination and patience this last year.  Though, to resort back to my old toxic ways, of “quitting on the spot”, would be toxic for me.  I am learning so much in this position regarding helping others; who want/apply the help!  The biggest struggle, is my in my head inability to manage my time and organization.  I have heavily relied on a day planner for the majority of my life. I am learning, I have become open to suggestions on tweaking my preexisting planning system. Eventaully, I’ll get on top of managing day by day work related paperwork, the intakes, the 30 day paperwork, the 6 month reviews, the annual review, the discharges, the tweaks, burps, hirings, firings of my case load.  My find great satisfaction in running the biweekly men’s stress management group; I project this will become a weekly in prison group.  Biweekly males and biweekly females.

Well, it is Friday night and Mrs Right4Me and I got a date 😉

Peace, Love, Hair-grease.  And, keep on pushing forward…

Brian

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